I've reached the half-way point in my pregnancy. The last month and a half I've been feeling really good--working on projects and finally getting to the massive pile of laundry that I didn't fold for two and a half months.
The last month has also included getting used to the news that this baby will be a boy. Our mid-point ultrasound today confirmed that he is still definitely a boy.
It's been interesting sharing the news with people--I've felt a little conspicuous in my delivery. If it had been a girl then there would have been excitement inherent in that news. But as he is a boy I'm insecure about what the emotion is that I convey when giving the news. I'm excited to tell people the gender, but the gender itself is more like an almost sarcastic. "Yeah, can you believe it?"
But I don't want people to judge me, thinking that I don't appreciate my blessing of the ability to bear another child. It's just that having a girl would have included feeling a bit of superficial excitement over the novelty (something people could see and appreciate), but my feelings towards having a boy are more of an internal pondering (something people can't see, and therefore don't know it's there).
Internally, the news has been like getting a piece of a puzzle. It's interesting. The puzzle piece is interesting to look at, it is interesting to see where it fits in the picture of my family. And what it does is give me a better idea of what the picture of my whole family looks like. It gives me this hazy look into my future, my future of boys.
I have boys. I will now have three boys. That tells me things about the types of family activities we will do, the types of laundry I'll be doing, the type of Halloween costumes I'll be making, the type of ruckus I'll be privy to.
I don't know yet exactly how this baby will fit into the family--what his temperament will be, how his personality will develop, how he'll interact with his brothers--but those answers will come, in time, after he is born.
Meanwhile I enjoy this time I have to ponder over the possibilities, and feel like I know a little more about what our family will be when this little one comes to join us.